"Dear Sirs: We have the distinguished honor of being members of a committee to raise $50,000.00 to be used for the planning of a statue of John F. Kennedy in the hall of Fame, Washington, D.C.
The committee was in quite a quandary about selecting a proper location for the statue. It was thought not wise to place it beside that of General Washington, who never told a lie; nor beside that of F.D.R., who never told the truth, since John F. Kennedy could never tell the difference.
After careful consideration, we think it should be placed beside that of Christopher Columbus; the greatest "New Dealer," of them all. He started out not knowing where he was going; on arriving, did not know where he was; and in returning, did not known where he had been; and did it all on borrowed money.
The inscription on the statue will read, "I pledge to John F. and to the national debt, for which he stands, one man expendable, with socialism and taxes for all."
Moses once said to the children of Israel, "Pick up your shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land." Nearly six thousand years later, Roosevelt said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses and light up a Camel, this is the Promised Land. Now Kennedy is stealing the shovels, kicking our asses, raising the prices of Camels and taking over the Promised Land.
If you are one of those who has money left over after paying taxes, we will expect a generous contribution from you for this worthwhile project.
Sincerely yours,
McCann, Hertz, and Howe"